Values Based Decision Making | Abri Psychotherapy

Why Values Matter in Everyday Life

It’s easy to get caught up in the grind of day-to-day responsibilities—work deadlines, family obligations, social expectations—without stopping to ask: Am I living in line with what matters most to me?

When our actions are guided by external pressures instead of internal values, we often end up feeling disconnected, restless, or dissatisfied. By contrast, when we align our decisions with what we truly believe in, we create a life that feels purposeful and grounded. This process is known as values based decision making, and it can become a powerful framework for both personal growth and mental health.

What Is Values Based Decision Making?

Values based decision making is the practice of using your core beliefs—what matters most to you—as the compass for your choices and goals. Instead of chasing what’s “popular” or “expected,” you pause to ask:

Does this choice align with my deeper values?
Will this action move me closer to the kind of life I want to live?

It’s not about being perfect or rigid. Instead, it’s about living with intention and integrity, even when the path is uncomfortable.

For example:

If one of your values is family, you might prioritize attending your child’s recital even if it means saying no to extra work hours.
If you value health, you may choose to meal-prep for the week instead of relying on takeout.
If you value authenticity, you might risk a vulnerable conversation rather than staying silent to keep the peace.

Each of these decisions reflects a commitment to living from the inside out, rather than letting outside pressures dictate your path.

The Benefits of Living by Your Values

Research and clinical experience both suggest that values based decision making offers profound benefits:

1. Clarity and Focus

When your choices stem from your values, it becomes easier to prioritize. You don’t have to chase every opportunity or say “yes” to every request—you can filter decisions through the lens of what truly matters.

2. Greater Resilience

Life will always include setbacks, stress, and disappointments. When you’re guided by your values, you’re more likely to persevere. A failure doesn’t shake your identity, because you’re anchored in something deeper than circumstances.

3. Improved Relationships

Values like compassion, honesty, or respect can help guide how you show up in relationships. Acting in line with your values often reduces conflict and strengthens trust.

4. Increased Well-Being

Living out your values often leads to a sense of fulfillment and peace. Even when life is stressful, you feel more aligned and authentic, which is linked to lower anxiety and depression.

Step 1: Identify Your Core Values

Many people have never paused to ask themselves what their true values are. Here are some reflective exercises to help:

Think about peak moments. When have you felt most alive or proud of yourself? What values were you honoring in those moments?
Notice your frustrations. Often, strong frustrations or irritations reveal an underlying value. For example, if you get angry when someone is dishonest, it may be because you deeply value integrity.
Use a values list. Reviewing a list of common values—like courage, kindness, growth, balance, or freedom—can spark ideas about which ones resonate most with you.

Try narrowing down to 5–7 values that feel non-negotiable in your life.

Step 2: Align Your Daily Habits

Once you’ve identified your values, the next step is integrating them into your everyday routines. Ask yourself:

How can I act on this value today?

If you value creativity, you might set aside 20 minutes to sketch, journal, or brainstorm ideas.
If you value community, you could check in on a friend or volunteer an hour of your time.

Where am I living out of alignment?

If you value health but skip sleep for work emails, there’s a mismatch.
If you value honesty but often avoid difficult conversations, you may need to shift.

Small adjustments compound over time. Even a 1% shift each day toward your values can transform your life.

Step 3: Use Values in Goal Setting

Traditional goal setting often focuses on outcomes: lose 20 pounds, get promoted, save $10,000. While outcomes are important, values based decision making adds depth by connecting those goals to what really matters.

Instead of “lose 20 pounds,” reframe: “I want to honor my value of health by nourishing my body and building sustainable habits.”
Instead of “get promoted,” reframe: “I want to live out my value of growth by pursuing opportunities that challenge me.”
Instead of “save $10,000,” reframe: “I want to honor my value of security by building financial stability.”

Values keep you motivated when goals feel hard. You’re not just chasing numbers—you’re living your principles.

Step 4: Apply Values in Difficult Decisions

Some decisions aren’t clear-cut. Should you take a new job that pays more but demands longer hours? Should you end a friendship that’s draining but long-standing?

Here, values based decision making becomes the compass. Ask:

Which option best aligns with my core values?
What choice will allow me to live authentically?
If I fast-forward 10 years, which decision will I be proud of?

By using your values as a guide, you reduce regret and gain confidence in your choices, even when they’re tough.

Step 5: Be Flexible, Not Rigid

It’s important to note that values aren’t about perfection. You won’t always live up to them. That’s okay.

For example: you may value family but still need to work late sometimes. You may value honesty but find yourself sugarcoating feedback to avoid hurting someone.

The key is flexibility—values are guiding stars, not chains. They orient you, but they don’t demand rigidity. Over time, you’ll find yourself coming back to alignment more naturally.

How RO-DBT Supports Values Based Living

Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RO-DBT) is a powerful therapeutic approach that complements values based decision making.

While traditional DBT focuses on emotional regulation and distress tolerance, RO-DBT is designed for individuals who struggle with overcontrol—those who tend to be perfectionistic, rigid, or overly self-reliant.

RO-DBT helps clients:

Increase openness and flexibility
Build deeper connections with others
Learn skills for self-expression and authenticity

When combined with values based decision making, RO-DBT provides strategies to not only identify your values but also practice living them out in real time, even when vulnerability feels uncomfortable.

Bringing It All Together

Living by your values isn’t a one-time decision—it’s a daily practice. From small habits to big life choices, values based decision making offers a way to build a life of meaning, resilience, and authenticity.

By identifying your values, aligning your habits, setting goals rooted in what matters, and applying those values in tough situations, you’ll find greater clarity and fulfillment. And with tools like RO-DBT, you can build the flexibility and openness needed to truly live those values in connection with others.

Ready to Put Values Into Practice?

If this blog resonates with you, you don’t have to walk this journey alone. Our team specializes in helping people use values based decision making and evidence-based approaches like RO-DBT to create meaningful change in their lives.

Book a therapy session with our team today and start learning strategies to align your behaviors with your deepest values. Together, we’ll help you build a life that feels authentic, purposeful, and fulfilling.